Tuesday, August 19, 2014

That ONE time...

So...this is so embarrassing. Recently at a family function it was brought about that "one time you had to jack off your dog." In which I then had to tell the story in detail because I am not sure anyone wants that title without any sort of explanation behind it. This happened New Years Day 2014. I can't believe I never shared this with you guys but then again, I can. I woke up New Years Day to this most awful sound coming from Ryner downstairs. Now every mother, fur child or humanoid, knows that certain cry when something is truly wrong. I think I actually transposed through the floors at the rate I made it downstairs. To discover that my yet to be fixed male dog's penis had gotten so erect it was stuck. Yes, stuck. Blood rushing into this massive dog erection with no place to go. I called my vet on her emergency line (and thank goodness she had just become my vet the day before!!! I've never known any other vet to have a personal emergency line and thank god she did...) it went to voice-mail and as calmly as I could, I left a detailed explanation. She called me back within a few minutes, laughing mind you in which I found immediately infuriating because I wasn't sure what possibly could be funny at this moment. My dog's dong is stuck and I have no idea what to do with it while also coming to the realization that AM I going to have to do something...to it? Then she shocks me and asks if there is an lubricant in the house (I think my eyes are so wide at this point I am not sure what to compare them to.) I had to think for a second and George...lol...you had gotten me some organic lubricant before from my wishlist that had yet to be broken in. Well...lucky for Ryner...he was the first. So the vet proceeded to tell me to rub the lubricant on my dogs dick and cox it back inside. Yes. I did it. It all happened so quickly I didn't even have time to think if someone saw me if I would go to jail or ask if there was possibly any other way around this. I just...went for it. Then after it was all said and done, I just sort of sat there and thought. Well. Hi, 2014. This...this is how it's going to be this year, eh? And...that is has. 

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